Monday, February 2, 2009

If Your Father Hates the Wife You Love . . .

Sunan Ibn Majah 2088--It was narrated that Abdullah bin Umar said: "I had a wife whom I loved, but my father hated her. Umar mentioned that to the Prophet, and he ordered me to divorce her, so I divorced her."

Sunan Ibn Majah 2089--It was narrated from Abdur-Rahman that a man's father or mother . . . ordered him to divorce his wife, and he made a vow that he would free one hundred slaves if he did that. He came to Abu Darda while he was praying . . . Then he asked him, and Abu Darda said: "Fulfill your vow and honor your parents." Abu Ad-Darda said: "I heard the Messenger of Allah say: '(Honoring) one's father may lead one to enter through the best of the gates of Paradise; so take care of your parents, (it is so, whether you take care of them) or not.'"


B said...

Man divorcing his wife on his parents’ orders

Obeying mother in divorcing my wife?

Hogan Elijah Hagbard said...

I am reluctant to think that a marriage relationship proves healthy if external interference is permitted.

Obviously, a marriage needs to develop in maturity, which takes time, and any man who remains a mums-boy into maturity will lessen the maturity of such a relationship (there are many case of such). That is not to say that honouring your parents is not vital.

However, the matter is a question of balance between how you deal with your spouse and your parents.

The Bible commands a man to honour his parents, yet at the same time it says 'a man is to leave his parents and be one with his wife'.

That is a healhty relationship, in which both mutually and exclusively manage to deal with each other (which is a part of marriage life) and settle in their relationship.

The hadiths mentioned are very typical of what one experiences in many Asia and African family relationship. In which the mother has such a control on the son, that the wife is secondary and excluded. In such a setting the mother and the daughter often tend to combat each other over the son, and being more committed to his mother than his wife undermines the wife.

It does not matter how one is to understand the passages, the case is here typical and such family practice has victimized a lot of women in various ways, be it through exclusion, neglection, inferiority, divorce or even physical violence.

Unknown said...

Reminds me of the Book of Ezra.

Nakdimon said...

Is that a challenge to see if the book of Ezra teaches what Islam teaches?

Isn't it just amazing how there is, yet again, a quest for biblical comparison to try to make Islam look good?

Hogan Elijah Hagbard said...

Ibn...oh man

Are you referring to Ezra 9-10

Now can you describe the situation and scence of the two Hadiths into these two chapters?

Can you also educate us on the situational link between these two contexts?

Could you also tell how the Ezra situation fits the New Testament context.

Could you also provide evidence for the continuous trend of this matter in every day Christian family life if it applies to Christianity.

The New Testament does certainly not encourage us to marry non-believers, and, if a Christian is married to a non-believer he or she is not to divorce the person. But if the non-believer chooses (himself) to end the marriage he or she is free to do so. There is no reference in the New Testament to divorce an individual just because he or she is an unbeliver, as was the act in Ezra. Furthermore, Ezra does not portray a typical family life in which the wife is subject to her in-law. Such probably occurred in Israel, but it contradicts the original structure of marriage and family, and Ezra at this point is not considering everyday family and marriage.

Fourthly Ezra is a narrative and historical document, not a revelation, can you provide the referrence within Ezra 9-10 to a specific revelation from God that attests to the correct action of Ezra and the people? This fourth point is interesting as, as far as I am aware of Ezra was not a prophet, and Muhammad was. I am not saying that Ezra based on the Torah, the situation and the past experience of Israel did wrong. However it is a matter of interest that the referred to Hadith refers to Muhammad, a prophet and mouth piece of Allah, while Ezra was a Jewish teacher.

Michelle Qureshi said...

Wow, it may be the case that, for once, I'm inclined to agree with Bassam. It seems that Islam would not allow a divorce without "good" reason.

Not that I do agree with him, I don't think there's enough info here for me to conclude one way or the other. But I'm inclined to agree with his article.

It seems that there must have been reasons for the father to want his son to divorce his wife, and if those reasons are "legit", then the son must obey (according to Islamic law).

That being said, I think it's dumb to divorce one's wife - marriage is sacrosanct, and tearing it apart should be a last resort. In that case, it should be a choice that the husband and wife make, not a command of any external influence (father or Muhammad).

Praise God that in Christianity, a good Christian must be like Christ in his attitude towards his wife, willing to be crucified in order to protect her.

Yahya Hayder Seymour said...

Nabeel Said: Praise God that in Christianity, a good Christian must be like Christ in his attitude towards his wife, willing to be crucified in order to protect her

You sure he wouldn't turn the other cheek and let his wife get savagely brutalised by an attacker?

Hogan Elijah Hagbard said...

The Bible tells us to turn the other cheek, the Bible tells us not to get provoked. The Bible tells us to be patient in religious persecution if we have no means of escaping. I just don't see where the Bible instructs me to be passive if my wife or a family member is savagelly brutalized.

ben malik said...

One thing I am sure of, is that Jesus wouldn't tell me to go ahead and spread Christianity by the sword and then rape any married woman that has been taken captive. Leave that to Muhammad and Allah.

ben malik said...

Nor would Jesus say go and find any woman who is willing to get married for a limited period of time in exchange for some money or goods and deceptively pass that off as marriage. Again, leave that to Muhammad and Allah, the beacons of morality and virtue.

Nabeel Qureshi said...

You sure he wouldn't turn the other cheek and let his wife get savagely brutalised by an attacker?

Yes, I'm sure