Raisins? Where'd she get that from?!? She must have heard it through the grapevine...
Ok, David im gonna sue u for killing me w/ laughter here!!!!! Im still laughing rit now. U. have. got. to. be. kidding. me!!! U know what i can't write right now......im gonna go laugh it out n come back to this.
With the name of God, Peace be unto those who follow the guidance from their Lord.Well, I could have done without the first minute or so. However, as I said there is a place in television entertainment for David Wood and Nabeel if they ever choose the course. I did get a laugh out of the raisins segment and David holds up the bag "these things" whilst shaking them! Hehehe. I'm with David on this one. Irshad is from the modernist-reformist camp who twist and distort things to make them more palatable to a liberal audience.The strange thing is they never give these people's credentials.On what basis can she perform exegesis of the Qur'an?Well can't blame here, you can't stop SS from saying that Allah prayers either can you?Amazing.
I got it ..... finally ... NOw I am ready to consider Islam as an option! I love RAISINS! So, was it the "SECRET" that Muslims were trying to hide from the West? If I knew it before I would have converted to Islam long time ago. Since it is about RAISINS and not VIRGINS in Paradise, then the suicide bombers must be very upset and disappointed at this moment. They must be blowing up Paradise at this very moment. I guess, that the Muslim Hell would be a safer place to go! I always asked myself two questions: 1. Since we will have RIVERS of WINE in Paradise, who is going to press all these grapes to create rivers? Allah? Maybe! He has a big foot and will have a free foot in Paradise. The other foot will be feeling up Hell! 2. Since we will have RIVERS of MILK, who is going to milk all these, goats, camels and cows to provide rivers of milk for us. Never mind... Allah knows best! Isn't that wonderful that in Islam you don't need to THINK?
From what I know Irshad Manji(for who I have great respect,though not in this case)got it from CHRISTOPH LUXENBURG,the German scholar.He says many of the words in the Koran are really ARAMAIC,and in Aramaic raisin is HUR.It is in his book "A Syro-Aramaic Reading of the Koran"(2000):http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Syro-Aramaic_Reading_of_the_KoranMORE ON HIM,WITH CRITICISM:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christoph_Luxenberg
lol, lol, lol lol!!!!!I should be laughing at this moment, this so hilarious and so wrong of ABC. The idea of getting married to raisins is very ridiculous :).
This idea that the Quran speaks of raisins comes from Christoph Luxenburg:A March 2002 New York Times article describes Luxenberg's research:Luxenberg, a scholar of ancient Semitic languages, argues that the Koran has been misread and mistranslated for centuries. His work, based on the earliest copies of the Koran, maintains that parts of Islam's holy book are derived from pre-existing Christian Aramaic texts that were misinterpreted by later Islamic scholars who prepared the editions of the Koran commonly read today. So, for example, the virgins who are supposedly awaiting good Islamic martyrs as their reward in paradise are in reality "white raisins" of crystal clarity rather than fair maidens. . . . The famous passage about the virgins is based on the word hur, which is an adjective in the feminine plural meaning simply "white." Islamic tradition insists the term hur stands for houri, which means "virgin," but Luxenberg insists that this is a forced misreading of the text. In both ancient Aramaic and in at last one respected dictionary of early Arabic hur means "white raisin."In 2002 The Guardian newspaper published an article which stated:Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins—the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offered, and not unsullied maidens or houris. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christoph_Luxenberg
I remember Robin William making fun about this 'mistranslation'.It went something like...Imagine the Muslim terrorists blowing themselves up and then arriving at the gate of Heaven.And God says, "Great job! Here are your raisins!"It makes total sense, David! You must be filled with complete bias and prejudice against Islam. You Islamophobe! [/sarc]
Grapeaffilia LOL. Classic. BTW Isn't Irshad a lesbian. I'm pretty sure she is the one who had a site called refuseniks or something like that. But I could be wrong.
For an eternity in paradise, 72 raisins isn't all that much. But perhaps these are special raisins that grow back to their original form after you take a bite of them.
RAISINS!!! RAISINS!!! This is all about.... RAISINS!!! Muslim men are getting raised for.... RAISINS!No! I refuse to picture any Muslim man doing a Meg Ryan when they think about...RAISINS!!!?YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! COME ON BABY. Just let me squeeze you once more for the night. Gimme Janabah my little shrivelled up one, [that's the raisin I'm referring to there].
Wow, there I was thinking the Qur'an was degrading to women when it was actually talking about raisins all along! Maybe this fruit-substitution principle could be more liberally applied to the Qur'an to make it more westerner-friendly - maybe Mohammed actually said that his followers could GRAPE female slaves and GRAPE war captives (as in, feed them grapes?)? Could other fruit products be substitued, too? I mean, maybe Allah didn't command hatred of Jews; maybe he commanded hatred of JUICE. Yeah, Allah hates juice. Especially with pulp.Did you ever think of that, David? That all this answering Islam has been for nothing? There is a whole lot of egg on your face right now.
Rafik Responde ao Isla said:"I got it ... finally ... NOw I am ready to consider Islam as an option! I love VIRGINS! So, was it the "SECRET" that Muslims were trying to hide from the West? If I knew it before I would have converted to Islam long time ago. Since it is about VIRGINS and not RAISINS in Paradise, then the suicide bombers must be very upset and disappointed at this moment. They must be blowing up Paradise at this very moment. I guess, that the Muslim Hell would be a safer place to go!" I know where you're coming fro...BREAKING NEWS!!!A Saudi judge sentenced Madmoud Imaginethat with stoning to death after he was caught with 2 grapes in his pockets in his apartment in down town Riyadh. His wife was granted a divorce on the grounds of adultery. Imaginethat will launch an appeal against his conviction.hugh watt reporting.
...UPDATE...A Saudi judge today overturned the conviction of Madmoud Imaginethat after it was confirmed by an anatomist that the supposed grapes found in his pockets were not grapes after all! Imaginethat was said to be, quote; "Relieved."In further news today. Scientists are working on the assumption that the reason Aisha could not bear fruit was because she was a grape.This is hugh watt reporting.
This video is comedy central material! why don't you send this info to John Stewart or Colbert or something. I know they probably won't broadcast it, but it's really funny LOL.
Today, I opened the cabinet in the kitchen and saw a box of raisins....I'll never look at a box of raisins the same....thanks David...
I look forward to the Pleasures and Bliss of Heaven! May I and every Muslim be the Winners of Paradise! Ameen.Osama Abdallahwww.answering-christianity.com
Osama,Given the subject matter of this post, I think you should have said: "May I and every Muslim be among the wieners of paradise." Just seems to fit better.
great thread David
Outstanding. Very funny, too.
MAYBE she meant that Jihadist will get 72 ETHIOPIANS in Paradise. Burkhari Volume 1, Book 11, Number 662:Narrated Anas:The Prophet said, “Listen and obey (your chief) even if an Ethiopian whose head is like a raisin were made your chief.”Burkhari Volume 1, Book 11, Number 664:Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet said to Abu-Dhar, “Listen and obey (your chief) even if he is an Ethiopian with a head like a raisin.”Burkhari Volume 9, Book 89, Number 256:Narrated Anas bin Malik:Allah’s Apostle said, “You should listen to and obey, your ruler even if he was an Ethiopian (black) slave whose head looks like a raisin.”
Osama, is it not rather presumptious on your part to say that you are looking forward to Paradise?What makes you think you'll make it to Raisin central?Another question: If raisins are in paradise, does that mean date-ing is actually allowed in Islam too? I mean what's good for a grape is good for a plum too right?
Now wait a second. In the West sometimes a man will call a woman his "date". As in "I have a hot date tonight." Dates are dried fruits as are raisins.So there you have it, in Islam "raisin" is just their word for "date".
david repeating the part "raisins" just killed me lollll.....
You guys are having way too much fun with this.
@ Damon Whitsell...... Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold ur horses there buddy. No muslim man deserves an Ethiopian woman in paradise ( I being one). The woman of Ethiopia have toiled hard n long n they deserve better than to be sex slaves in paradise. I'll not let that happen. Our woman r to beautiful, not even allah is worthy of us (being a false god). They can stay with their own Arab women. No ill feelings Damon :) @ Nabeel yes we are! You dont get comedy like this very often.
With the name of God, Peace be unto those who follow the guidance from their Lord.The other thing that I take away from this is that David Wood did a great job of debunking not only Irshad but of Sam Shamoun as well.In fact the next time SS tries to use this 'argument' I'll simply say to him, "Now wait a minute David Wood has already debunked this".
These are very serious issues we're trying to grapel with Nabeel :)
"BTW Isn't Irshad a lesbian." ?Yes, Irshad Manji is a lesbian and seeking to re-interpret Islam.See:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irshad_Manji It figures that a western media source would get her interpretation of Islam; rather than actually quoting the Qur'an, as David did, and rather than getting the interpretation of the Fiq scholars and Imams and Mullahs and Muftis.
GV19 wrote:"Well can't blame here, you can't stop SS from saying that Allah prayers either can you?" What does this mean? (you need some more English words in the sentence to make sense) and what is SS?"
i dont like chewy raisins. they make me shiver as if someone was scratching a chalkboard. osama the great is looking for raisins. i have a bag full of em. got a good deal at the bulk store.oh man that robin william joke is too funny. like dr robert spencer says "theres no fun in islam". but i sure had fun with this raisin i meant joke.
Ok well this makes makes much more sense now. I was wondering where the inspiration for the following hadith came..وقال أبو الحصين أن الدب بو غسلها بن سعيد أن سمع النبي يقول :أوه ، أراهن كنت أتساءل 'كيف عرفتنوبة خطط لجعل لي زرقاءالرجل الآخر مع بعض كنت تعرف قبلبين الرجلين منا كنت أعرف أنني أحبك أكثراستغرق مني على حين غرة يجب أن أقولعندما اكتشفت أمسلا أنت تعرف أنني "Abu Boo Bear said that Hasin bin Bathed said that the he heard the prophet say:Ooh, I bet you're wondering' how I knew'bout your plans to make me blueWith some other guy you knew beforeBetween the two of us guys you know I love you moreIt took me by surprise I must sayWhen I found out yesterdayDont you know that I...(am all powerful and forgiving)"*shakes head*
After all... Isn't Islam a FUNNY religion?
what makes this video even better is that the "great" Osama is here watching, LOL. This is really funny!
I object to the nudity on this thread. Will you please remove it.Thank you!
Maybe, just maybe, I will eventually be able to stop laughing and get on with my day! I will not get my hopes up, though. What if someone does not like straight raisins? If one is a chocolaholic, does he get to have chocolate-covered raisins? How about oatmeal-raisin cookies? Variety is the spice of life, you know!
I wonder if the people who go to Hell get the grapes of wrath...
I invited the neighbor round for a glass of grape juice. He smiled and seemed to grow a few inches. I thought; is that a bomb in his pocket, or is he just happy.
It's great that you found a picture but where are the swelling breasts?!
thegrandverbalizer19,What? Has Shamoun argued for the "raisins" translation? Seriously?
Hi David, Great video as usual ..You mentioned along the lines that Mohammed had sex with a 9 years old gurl (Aisha), after marrying her at the age of 6. Just a little clarification to elaborate the shocking scandel; considering that lunar calender are lesser by 11 days per year, accordingly he married her when she was 5, and had sex with her when she was 8 !!
"BTW Isn't Irshad a lesbian."That would make a certain amount of sense. Please note that the Quran only claims that the raisins haven't been touched by men or jinns. But for all we know, they may well have experimented all kinds of stuff while waiting for their husbands. Perhaps they even resided in a fruitcake.
@ Nabeel Qureshi... two posts, two very foonie jokes... loool...@ on the other hand, dear Osama The Great Abdallah, if your muslim heaven is full of sexual pleasur and virgins are raisin, then you habe two choives: a) habe some big raisin into which you can perforate with your eternal arousal (and then: how can muslims bend into the floor in heaven with those?); b) to something else, on the other side off your body, with rasins... hummm... I wonder which one do you prefer...
Hi brother shafsha... glad to see you around here ounce again... may God, the Holy trinity, bless you and your family...
TGV said: "I'm with David on this one. Irshad is from the modernist-reformist camp who twist and distort things to make them more palatable to a liberal audience."Yes, David is right that Irshad is twisting the Qur'an. But you, TGV, are wrong when you imply that it is merely liberals who find unpalatable the notion that heaven is a great big brothel. Almost everyone else on the planet would recoil from even the suggestion that heaven could be the sort of place spoken of in Islamic sources. The idea that this has anything to do with a Holy God, or that it has anything to do with the desires and pleasures that His people would seek from His hand, as Osama nauseatingly suggested, is not even conceivable by those pursuing holiness in the fear of God.So, don't bother lying about Sam or addressing yourself to a subject that neither you nor anyone in your small circle of blogandists and dawagandists would ever debate him on, and spend more time searching your own conscience about what could bring you to even entertain such dishonorable thoughts about God or to the point where you could pretend that lusting after women - women who are not yet guaranteed to you personally even if the Quranic teaching is taken for granted, for you don't yet know Allah's (supposed) will for you - is consistent with that piety that ought to mark those who claim to submit to God.
I guess Alexander the Great, the Two-Horned One, didn't get any virgins. Now he's Alexander the GRAPE-eater.(Get it?? No one ever gets my jokes...)=(
She is a lesbian and her site says that she had doubts about islam but read a book by KAREN ARMSTRONG who confirmed to her that allah is indeed God. Who goes by the book of some pc dhimmi moron!
RAISINTASTIC video David, can’t wait for part two.btw, where could I find ABC’s video on Islam referred here.
Dear David/Nabeel,This video is hilarious... have been laughing since two days now... seen the video dozens of time... especially the bit about you repeating "Rasins" with Ms.Manji. Actually the logic did hit me before when I read the article online that this just doesn't make sense. But, your video was through the roof man, couldnt have imagined this in my wildest dreams... with your usual wit and style "If I was a Muslim, I would actually be offended at this"... I can imagine Muslims around the world banging their heads at this foolishness... GOD BLESS you man... cant remember the last time I laughed this much.Naren
Brother Fernando,Thank you dear friend for asking.... I always try to keep following up with any new on the blog, but my am having some commitments and issues that keep me away from posting here and sharing with you ...Please remember me in your prayers .. as I am really in need for them ..may the Lord bless your service and bless this blog and all who are sharing or following :-)
I believe this lady represents a large sector of western muslims. if she is not deliberately deceiving the audience, then I would say that she has been lied upon by other muslim to hide facts - which is permissible in islam in addition to a clear deep ignorance of the islamic literature. Trully represntative of the sitution of many muslims not reading thier books, though try to show themselves as the Umma of reading !
@Shafsha, you don't know me but I read you here sometimes. Your plea for prayer really reached out to me (partly because I'm in much the same situation). Please let me uplift you..."Beloved Father God, in the precious name of Our Lord Jesus, I come to you right now in prayer for Shafsha. Precious Lord, I don't know the situation for Shafsha nor do I know the need - but you do, Sovereign Lord, and I ask that you outstretch your loving mighty arms to surround Shafsha with comfort and with strength just now. Father, please let me agree with Brother Fernando and please grant, Lord that Shafsha would be strengthened not only by our prayers but also by the prayers of many others.""Gracious, precious Lord, it's obvious that Shafsha believes in prayer so Father, hear our prayers on behalf of this one who has reached out to the community of faith for help in prayer. Teach us, beloved Lord, how we should pray for Shafsha and teach us how we should be mindful of each other and prayerful for each other here in this wonderful blog.""Father, please let me uplift Shafsha, Fernando, David, Nabeel, Bro. Hogan, precious little Negeen, Paul, Brother Joseph and the whole Acts 17 team.""Please Lord, let me uplift to you 'thegrandverbalizer19', 'Osama Abdallah' and all of the other Muslim visitors here that you would provide a true vision of Christ Jesus for them. Set them free to love, precious Lord!""And Lord, please let me offer up Thanksgiving and Praise for this wonderful ministry and all of the amazing and engaging commenters that come this way so often. Thank you Father, for the love and the wisdom they share.""And now, Father in dwell in each of us here through your loving Holy Spirit - however we are connected - and draw us closer to you and closer to each other in the love of your precious Son"."These prayers for Shafsha and for all of us I pray in the mighty name of our Savior Jesus.... Amen!"
Hello Shafsha:I have prayed with Tom for you.I really hope all turns out well,whatever it may be.God bless you.
Lord, thank you for the love of my brothers, love that you father created within the heart of your sons. May God Bless you brothers Tom and Minoria, and reward you all in his heavenly kingdom.
Brothers Shafsha and Tom,My family and I will pray for you, as well. Whatever your situations are, may the Lord bless and keep you both!
GreekAsianPanda said:"I guess Alexander the Great, the Two-Horned One, didn't get any virgins. Now he's Alexander the GRAPE-eater.(Get it?? No one ever gets my jokes...)=("Nope! And you need to start raisin your level around here.
Shafsha: Without going into specifics, is there some guidance you can give on what to pray for?
I believe she got the "raisin" idea from this source:http://www.scribd.com/doc/14659850/SyroAramaic-Reading-of-the-Quran-Christoph-LuxenbergHere are 3 videos outlining the book.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk40dR8UpaUhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNdvsLh128Qhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x1JsyFrpKg
Tom and the others, please include me in your prayers. I am desperate for prayers and I am in for a long fight, I really do appreciate your prayers for me too. I trust in the Father, Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and I know God has been with me, but I need him more than ever now. Thank you.
Hello WILL:I have just read your request,I am here less often due to writing for avraidire.eu.Please let us all pray for Will,whatever it may be,whether work,health,or X situation.Will,know we care and we care for Shafsha.I hope whatever you are going through passes by quickly,I have been in bad situations many ,many times,before and after becoming a Christian,I have been there,again,let us all pray for Shafsha and Will DAILY.
I don't believe that balderdash about Mohammad having relations with his nine wives in one night. I'm sorry, but that is nothing but male preening and boasting. When I was a new bride, my husband and I tried to see how many times we could have relations in one night, just for kicks and giggles. The third time was kind of ouchy-oody, and the fourth time didn't happen.
When I get my 72 virgins I am going to put them to work cleaning out my garage (and kitchen)
Mr. Abdallah said: 'I look forward to the Pleasures and Bliss of Heaven! May I and every Muslim be the Winners of Paradise! Ameen."Mr. Abdallah, does your wife know about these fantasies of yours? Because I wouldn't let her know. Women are crazy, mean, jealous creatures and she might do something rash.(Just tell her it's all about the raisins.)
That little raisin tart in the red pumps is lying about her past. She's had more than a couple of Jinn, I can tell by the looks of her.
Donna60We need to stone that raisin.
donna60 said:"I don't believe that balderdash about Mohammad having relations with his nine wives in one night."What Muslims say is Allah gave Muhammad the strength to do that, and in Jannah "males will be given the strength of 100 men!"
Dear Brother hugh watt, thank you and all the other brother for sharing their prayers for me. In fact i am passing now through several issues 1) relocating which I don't know to where yet, 2)300+ job applications that I haven't received any positive response so far , 3) some postgrad studies that are a bit challenging 4) some unsatble familial issues 5) few governmental paper issues 6) health issues - that required intervention - further putting me in dept The Lord is Near
"I don't believe that balderdash about Mohammad having relations with his nine wives in one night."As it turns out, his own wives did not believe it either (and what better witness could there be)."Narrated Aisha:Magic was worked on Allah's Apostle so that he used to think that he had sexual relations with his wives while he actually had not (...)" Sahih Bukhari 7.71.660Of course the idea of Muhammad lying was ridiculous, as he was the prophet of Allah. This lead people to conclude that Muhammad was delusional because of black magic worked on him (see rest of hadith).
Not sure whether those were virgins or raisins, but know for sure that those were HOT. So hot that he is burning in their eternal fire to this day...
Shafsha:1 Peter 5:7 God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.Psalm 55:22 Turn your worries over to the Lord. He will keep you going. He will never let godly people fall.Isaiah 40:29 The LORD gives strength to those who are weary.30Even young people get tired,then stumble and fall. 31 But those who trust the LORD will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired.I know it gets difficult at times, but God is faithful.Psalm 34:19 Anyone who does what is right may have many troubles. But the Lord saves him from all of them.John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.Psalm 42:11 My spirit, why are you so sad? Why are you so upset deep down inside me? Put your hope in God. Once again I will have reason to praise him. He is my Savior and my God.Maranatha
The latest interpretations of the Quran show that Mohammed meant "Virginians"
Kees said:"The latest interpretations of the Quran show that Mohammed meant "Virginians.""Just when I thought all those raisin jokes had dried up!
I'm not trying to scare any Muslim men on this post, but you have to think about this medically. Physical relations have very little to do with strength, per se. (I hope I'm not being too crude here. I realize I am not talking to biologists)The fact is, anytime skin meets friction, a certain amount of chaffing occurs. The only way you could keep the affected skin from splitting open and seeping and bleeding, due to overuse, is by hardening of the skin---like the hands of hard-working farmers. That being said, wouldn't that rather defeat the purpose?
Mr. Fat Man said. "We need to stone that raisin."Trust me, that party-girl "little Miss Raisin in the red stilettoes" has been "stoned" more than once in her twenties.
Look, I'm not trying to scare any Muslim men who might be reading this, but I looked up houri, and I don't know about them. They have this pasty white skin that is translucent, and bone marrow can be seen through the skin. Bone marrow is in the core of every bone of the body. It is bright red. I know this because I have watched physicians pull it out through a needle, and I have spread it over a slide to exam under a scope. That means that the skeletons of these houris are going to be shining through the skin, bright red.If that isn't ghoulish enough, these houris have these huge black eyes. Let me just say this--I haven't seen a costume this terrifying at Halloween World. If 72 of these souless creatures started chasing my brother with a look in their eyes, he would start running, and his screams of terror would be at least an octave higher than my own.
1. Islam and the West are like night and day........if you have to reinterpret what your religion says (saying that you'll get 72 raisins in Heaven as oppose to 72 virgins), I see no point in converting. You're just making Islam into your own image.2. This post still makes me laugh. And Shafsha, I'm praying for you.
This is exactly why we can't divorce Quran and Hadith, it allows wild speculation and strips away context, and most importantly, ignores the most accurate and prolific of Quranic exegates, The Prophet Himself (saw). Let's examine what he told us about the Huriyya.1. Not from the offspring of Adam.2. Will have large eyes with intensely white scleras and dark black centers, 3. They will have translucent skin and bones, with the marrow visible, and it will glitter.4. They have never been touched (sexually) by man or jinn.I can go on, but what need? These are not raisins nor human virgins, by a heavenly creature in the same way that an angel is a Heavenly creature not a human being, though without the same attributes of angels
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